Reclinable seats

Ever wondered how a three and a half hour journey aircraft would be WITHOUT reclinable seats? Ever had to travel between countries sitting in such an upright position that your behind started feeling numb? I have answers to these questions because I underwent precisely this during my last holiday (with family) to Malaysia (truly Asia). You would ask how could an international flight not have reclinable seats? The answer to this lies in the particular Jet Airways aircraft that accompanied my family and I to the city of Kuala Lumpur, or should I say we accompanied the aircraft. How did this happen? Here follows the account..

When we checked in our baggage (no excess ! PHEW !! ) we got our boarding passes and the stewardess there asked the head of our family ie my father as to where in the aircraft we'd like to be placed. We were quite particular about the four of us ( my parents, my brother and I ) sitting side-by-side, but that wasn't possible in economy class (atleast not in this aircraft) as the seating arrangement consisted of two three-seater rows. The polite stewardess behind the counter suggested the last row seats which consisted of three seats together and one along the same row but separated from the other three. At this, the brilliant brother of mine made a worthy note and rejected the stewardesses proposal as the seats in the last row cannot be reclined. So, the stewardess instead gave us seats right in the centre of "economy class" next to the emergency exits having the same seat arrangement. Only on reaching our seats did we find out that sets near the emergency exits in aircrafts (atleast in Jet Airways ones) are NOT reclinable !! Oh, hell ! Three and a half hours of torture ! Well, not entirely cos we're supposed to sit upright during takeoff and landing, but still keeping my back upright for more than two hours seems like torture enough to me. What's worse, this was my first trip abroad and it just HAD to start like this and this apparently was only my 3rd trip in ANY airliner. I RECLINED to my fate saying : "yea well, life's tough!" (atleast there was something I could recline to).

One would think, here ends the "curse of the un-reclinable seats", but then again, THAT I thought before my return journey in which I had only my brother for company (my parents had come back to India on a previous date ). Did I say company? I think not! We got the same seats near the emergency exits even during the return trip as the man behind the counter didn't give us any choice of seats when we collected our boarding passes. After we got seated in the aircraft (me, with a lot of moaning and denial), the air-host (yes, MALE! For some reason this aircraft had more air-hosts than air-hostesses) seemed to have a problem with a large wrist-band-like-thing my brother was sporting for the return flight. The air-host asked my brother to move to a (reclinable) seat at the back as those near an emergency exit should be physically and medically fit, (the lucky ass) while I was stuck with the UN-reclinable seat. Later after the flight took off and the "seat-belt" button went off, the same air-host (where're the ladies when you need them) stated that my "friend" was calling me to the back. Only after going there did I realize that there was actually another RECLINABLE seat, unused, right beside my brother (actually there were TWO :D ). My brother grinned at me and said, "I thought you'd prefer reclinable seats". THE HELL I WOULD !! I took up the seat near the window and marveled at my brother (Thank you brother! Thank you ! ). I reclined the seat to the full extent and got myself ready to a much deserved sleep (deserved because my cousin and I had managed to get ourselves kicked out of a club the previous night, the account of which will be available in future posts ).

Later, breakfast was served. At this point of time I'd like to get to your notice that the table, in an airliner such as the one we were in, and a cup-holder for a seat is attatched to the seat in front of it. Anyway, breakfast was served and I ate with my seat reclined(what the hell, when you have reclinable seats keep it reclined I thought). This caused apparent discomfort to the passenger behind me as my seat was reclined and he had to stoop lower than normal to eat his breakfast, so he did the sane thing and let the air-host know about it who in turn approached me and asked me to straighten my seat so that the passenger behind me could have his breakfast in peace. I said okay and jus pushed the button to straighten my seat which caused my seat's back-support to jerk straight immediately and this in turn caused the passenger to have his entire breakfast on his lap (upside down) and his drink (alcohol if I'm not mistaken.. Carlsberg! Australian for beer! .. waitaminit that's not Carlsberg that's Fosters. I dunno what it is for Carlsberg) inverted on his head. Well, if you still haven't figured out how that happened continue reading this paragraph else read the next. Since the table and and cup-holder are attatched to the seat in front, the sudden movement of the front seat (when I pressed the button to straighten my seat) caused the plate with food on the table and the drink in the cup-holder to get out of their respective places and find temporary home on the man's body rather than inside him.

I apologised profusely and considerably, not to the passenger directly though cos I couldn't see him but to the air-host. The man was in considerable distress but I didn't care much after that, after all I did exactly what he wanted me to : to straighten my seat ; not the way he would have liked but what-the-hell, I was more interested in the movie that was being screened : Hitch !

Hail AUTOMAN !! -Part 2

Having got access to a computer yet again i have hereby decided to finish my pending story. And I believe i have tortured the Ranting Human enough by not updating this particular blog as I've been threatening to tell him this story since it happened. INTRIGUED? Read on ..

By the time i had got to the gate which leads to the entrance of ms.Bluff's place, I realize that the inevitable has happened ie I've possibly lost my passport and my certificates which prove that I've passed out of school. It is during such times when I'd lost all hopes of ever finding my passport (or my cerificates) again that the building's watchman comes up to me and asks "Are you looking for an auto where you left your bag?".

HUH !! .. How the hell does he know? Dumbfounded i go up to him ask the obvious question, "Yes. But how did you know?". The story this watchman had was in a league of its own . It went like so :-
The auto-rikshaw driver in who's auto we had come in had apparently come back to the building where we got off to give me my bag but as you already must've figured out, I wasn't there to retrieve my bag. While I had been having a hearty lunch at Bluff's place this auto driver had been waiting for me to come down to retrieve my bag. Neither the auto-driver nor the watchman was sure if we had entered the building under consideration : Bluff's appartment building, therefore the auto driver had refused to give the watchman my bag. Later, the auto driver had got fed up of waiting for me and left. But, (forgive my usage of 'but' at the beginning of a sentence) not before the valiant watchman had noted down the auto-rikshaw's LICENSE plate number.

And so, out came a pen and a paper where he wrote down a number that he had already written on some calendar which he did not wish to part with. Claiming this small piece of paper the Largeman and the Juvenile went out in search of this particular auto. Bluff stayed back at the gate of the place lest the automan should come back. (To think at that time iI had sworn never to forget that number but now I can't seem to remember the first digit of the License plate number)

We searched for the auto in the local area. ..searched ...searched.... but in vain. Till we gave up and decided we oughta report this at the local police station. So, we made our way back to Bluff's place where we borrowed her two-wheeler and the two of us ( Largeman and I ) made our way ( we're making lotta ways aren't we ) to the nearest police station. On reaching the police station the Largeman narrates the story as to how I lost my bag but was yet able to get hold of the auto's number. Here's the conversation that followed the story narration :-
Inspector : your name ?
Largeman : my name's Largeman.
Inspector : Ok, so you lost your bag?
Largeman : No, sir my friend Juvenile lost his bag.
Inspector : So, who lost the bag?
Juvenile & Largeman ( togethter ) : Juvenile !!
Inspector : Ah ! ok so , Juvenile son of Largeman lost a ,what colour, bag?
Largeman : NO SIR! Juvenile son of ***** lost his brown coloured bag.
Inspector : Why didn't you say so in the beginning. Ok ! Juvenile son of ***** lost his brown coloured bag in the auto-rikshaw numbered :( hell i stil cant seem to remember the number of the auto ).
2nd Inspector (coming in) : What're you lads here for ?
1st Inspector : Missing case !
2nd Inspector : So who's missing?
1st Inspector : Juvenile !
2nd Inspector : Whats his height, weight and features?
Largeman : No, Juvenile lost his bag. ( pointing to me ) He's Juvenile !
2nd Inspector : Oh ! So why didn't you say so before.. Stupid kids !

Around ten minutes later, they managed to get all the details right and confirmed it with us and asked us for our address and phone number. So, the Largeman gave MY name, his mobile number and Bluff's home address for reference. I thought : " O my !". Having done all that the inspector announced the details : " Juvenile son of ***** lost a brown coloured bag in an auto-rikshaw numbered ( the number that I can't remember ) " to the communication tower, which in turn announced the same to the police cars and bikes ,on their respective radios, patrolling the streets. Our job there was over, so we got back to Bluff's place where we tried making an effort to study, but in vain. The Largeman and Bluff were constantly trying to deviate my attention from what a mess I had made of things saying that it wasn't all my fault but THE HELL IT WAS !!

Later, Largeman suggested that I tell a friend of mine who lives in the area where we caught the auto to search for the auto-rikshaw under consideration and thats exactly what I did ! While i was talking to my friend on the phone another common friend of mine ( I'd like to call her a lotta names .. hmmm .. I think I'll settle for : Foxylady ) messaged on Largeman's mobile stating the she was right outside the place where we had caught the auto ( Foxylady'd got no idea what had already happened. This message was just a "Hey watcha doing?" message ). Largeman reaccounted the events to Foxylady and gave her the auto number. ( All these messages exchanged unknown to me). Getting fed up yet again ( I seem to get fed up a lot on this day, I guess it was just those "getting fed up" days ) I said "I can't sit here and do nothing, lets go to the police station and find out if they got anything."

Just as we were stepping out of Bluff's place ( we being Largeman and I ) Foxylady calls up Largeman and states, " I found it ! I got it !" . The Largeman explains how she knew and she tells me how she found the auto standing right in front of her as she messaged Largeman and how she had to cajole the automan to give her the bag as she was a friend of mine. In the end the automan had given in and gave the bag to her. I told her to check if my stuff was still in there and she confirmed they were and stated that she's going home, telling me to come and pick it up at her place. Breathing a HUGE sigh of relief we bid goodbye to Bluff and procede to the police station to inform them that we found the bag. On reaching the police station we find that the police was able to trace the auto and get the automan's residential address. We thanked the police authorities and told them how we found the bag. Then from there we 'made our way' to Foxylady's place where i collected my bag and from there i got to my grandpa's place where i was supposed to meet my mother and submit my passport and certificates to her. Here I reaccounted the entire story for all to hear and we hailed the Automan and the Foxylady !!

Now, what'd I learn from this experience? Well , my friends come through for me for a lotta things. They'll try their best to get me outta hot water no matter what .. Well that's what i BELIEVE ! And also that not all automen are as bad as they seem to be, you may fight with each one of them to bargain the rate to a particular place but they're not all that bad.

I did get an earful of insults from a lot of people including my mother , my brother, the Foxylady, the Foxylady's parents and my grandparents and .... hmmm.... quite a large list. But, in the end i got what matters : my passport, my certificates and MY FRIENDS !!

Thanks guys !

Hail AUTOMAN !! - Part 1

Here follows an account of my most dreadful, tiring, happening day of my life thus far. Not as dreadful now cos I only learnt from the experience, not lost.

May 23rd,2005

6:00 am : I get up at a friends place (this friend is further referred to as : Largeman) as I had slept off at Largeman's place the previous night. I decide i need to go to college which is apparently 37 km's away from where I reside ie : the city of chennai. Reason cited for going to college : I need to collect my 12th std pass certificates and my mark sheets which presently reside in some draw of a dusty office table in the college I study.
Reason cited for retrieval of these documents : I need to get a certain stamp on my passport which will enable me to travel abroad, viz ECNR - Emmigration Clearence Not Required.

6:15 am : Another friend of mine ( henceforth referred to as : DG.. personal note : sorry Largeman ) calls me and says she'll be going to college by an AC car to collect some of her hostel stuff as she's moving back into the city.(Here you may note that my college is in the middle of nowhere) So, Therefore I request permission to tag along with her to do what I intend to do.

8:30 am : I reach home and have a bath, change to "college clothes" and make my way to DG's place.

9:00 am : DG and I start for college!

10:10 am : The two of us reach college and I make my way to the office to do the needful. Here I find only 3 people in the office. Reason cited : it's vacation-time ( apparently ). Here I converse with this "elderly chap" who after quite a bit of cajoling told me to find a mr.prakash from the ECE dept.

10:12 am thru 10:30 am : I get to the ECE dept to search for this Mr.Prakash but in vain.

10:35 am : I report back to the "Elderly Chap" informing him that I was unable to find the Mr.Prakash whom he referred to. In response the "Elderly Chap" starts lecturing me on how students these days are irresponsible and don't know how to get their own job done. I don't know if it was my luck or perhaps "fate" as some may call it that this Mr.Prakash was standing just outside the office when the Elderly Chap exited the office. There upon me came another lecture on responsibility and more bullshit.

10:40 am : I manage to get in a word with Mr.Prakash about my job at hand. He tells me to wait for sometime at the office while he finishes some "work" and gets back to me.

10:50 am : I'm waiting at the office ......

11:00 am : I'm still waiting .

11:05 am : I get fed up of waiting and make my way back to the ECE dept to find Mr.Prakash.

11:10 am : I find Mr.Prakash in an AIR-CONDITIONED laboratory SITTING !! ... jus pointlessly SITTING !!
I approach him and ask him for the job at hand yet again. He says "Go to office and wait!!"

11:30 am : I'm back to waiting at the office

11:40 am : I'M WAITING !!! ....

12:00 pm : I get fed up of waiting for the second time today and go to meet Mr.Prakash. Sit in front if him in the AIR-CONDITIONED lab ( Ah ! Blissfully cool !! ) and stare at him till finally I get my views accross to him that I want my damned certificates.

12:15 pm : He is convinced that I need them badly enough so the two of us make our way back to the office.

12:30 pm : A tired Juvenile makes his way back to DG's car with his cerificates in hand and DG and her esquire ( ie me and the driver ) get out of the college premisis.

1:00 pm : I meet Largeman! The two of us are supposed to go to this other friend's place ( henceforth referred to as Bluff ) to "study". But I realize that I don't have my passport. I need my passport to submit along with the certificates to dear mother of mine who I'll be meeting later today at my grandma's place.

Okay, I've as now got fed up of writing everything according to the timeframe. Lets switch to normal mode.

So, I make my way back home collect my passport and get back to Largeman and the two of us are off to Bluff's place in an auto. We reach Bluff's place at around 2:00pm and have lunch there, wherein I relate to my dear friends the happenings of the day thus far. But little did I know that I had worse coming....

At around 3:00pm we decide to sit to study. So,
I say "Hey Largeman, get me my book! "
Largeman : Where's it?
Juvenile : In my bag !
Largeman : Bag ? Where's your bag? You dint bring any bag.
Juvenile : Ofcourse I did .. thats where I have my passports and cerificates and stuff.
Largeman : YO ASSOLE !! It isn't here !!
Juvenile : SHIT, I must've left it in the auto !!

Saying this I run down in a desperate attempt to find the auto driver but in vain ....

Hmmm... I'm gettin sleepy and hungry now .. I propose that I finish this story later in full "Josh" ..

Story : Continued in next post .. ( Comments welcomed ! )

Why blog?

There comes a point of time in everyone's life where one starts thinking. Thinking more than an average thinker. Or perhaps this stage come in only a few peoples' lives who are perhaps jobless enough to do some random thinking. I seem to have stepped into one such part of my life. But then again, I may have less thoughts and more incidents in the upcoming posts in my blog. Which brings me to another reason of why I decided to start blogging, that being : offlate life seems to be full of incidents I don't want to forget or incidents that I want to record in a diary. I in addition to being a "juvenile delinquent" also seem to be too lazy to take up a piece of paper and a pen to write.

This is as close as it gets !

At the same I wish to inform any of you who may want to read this worthless blog of mine that my access to a computer is heavily barred or should I just say I don't have very easy access to a computer so my blogs maybe unseasonal and unupdated ( if there is such a word ) .

So here it goes ....